An event attended for GurgaonMoms .www.gurgaonmoms.com
#MomSureCan
On a sunny winter morning, many of us from Gurgaon Moms Book
Club got together at the GreenR cafe, located in the 32nd Milestone
Complex. The cafe was sunlit and spacious, just right for an animated
discussion. The philosophy behind GreenR
is to provide healthy and delicious alternatives to the regular fare available
at other cafes. Not only that, they are strong believers in the plant protein
revolution, which provides nutritious and sustainable alternatives to meat, for
both vegetarians and non- vegetarians.
We were to meet two
authors: Rinku Paul, who has written
“Daughters of Legacy” and Tanushree Ghosh, author of “From An-Other Land”.
Tanushree is a multifaceted personality. She is an alumnus
of the Presidency College, Kolkata and IIT Kanpur. She holds a Doctorate in
Chemistry from Cornell University and works for the Intel Corporation in the
USA. Tanushree is also a social activist, working with the India Chapters of
ASHA and AID in the USA and is connected to many women’s and civic engagement
organisations.
For many of us, our window to life in the USA has been
American TV shows, films and books. “From An-Other Land” brings to us a view
from another window --- through the eyes of Indian immigrants to the Land of
Opportunity. Laced with understated humour, Tanushree’s book throws up the
complex dynamics of relationships between people, and those between a person
and the country they have chosen as their own. For Tanu, her writing is linked
to her social activism as well, as can be seen by the dedication at the
beginning of the book. Instead of straightaway plunging into the stories, the
author has cleverly introduced the characters in the first story, as people in
line for Immigration.
As for Rinku Paul,
the present book, Daughters of Legacy ( about heiresses to business houses) is
the third she has written, the other two being “Dare to Be” (about women who
gave up corporate careers to follow their passion) and “Millionaire Housewives”
( about housewives who started their own businesses and emerged successful)
I asked Tanushree Ghosh, if the Great American Dream is also
still the Great Indian Dream. She feels that this is true to a large extent. It
is not just the economy and infrastructure, which are conducive to development;
the work culture itself encourages excellence. At University, the quality of research
is something else, as it attracts the crème de la crème of brains.
A recurrent theme in her stories is loneliness. Asked about
this, Tanu said that as a society, the USA is a private one. So immigrants can
feel alone in a crowd.
In a free ranging conversation with Upasana, both Tanu and
Rinku gave us insights into the fields of their interests. When asked about what was common to the
protagonists in their stories, Tanu felt
that it is a feeling of the identity suffering a blow. The country defines your
identity as well as makes you lose it.
Rinku felt that all the women she had spoken to, had a
secret formula: to outshout the naysayers. As women, we are prone to
second-guessing ourselves. This feeling of inadequacy is called the Imposter
syndrome. We have to overcome that, since there is no right time to start ---one
just has to take the plunge. We never negotiate for ourselves ---- for this, an
effective trick is to think one is negotiating for one’s child!
Another discussion dealt with what changes when one becomes
a Mom. There is Mom guilt. This can be overcome by really spending quality time,
where the mother is totally with the child with no distractions whatsoever. She
also needs to accept herself as an individual and do something nice for
herself. The mother can prepare the child for the road, and not try to prepare
the road for the child.
Asked about the stories she wrote, Tanushree said that most
of them are based on true stories. She does not want to tell people what to do,
but just present life as it is. Thus her book is a mirror to society, and is
her way of reaching out, and turning the lens on to social problems.
Rinku was asked why she chose to write only about women;
specifically why only those women. She feels that with the prevailing
patriarchy inherent in the system, women have had to face a different set of
challenges all together.
Each statement sparked a further discussion, until the
sunshine outside was reflected in the brightness of the conversation within
this cosy cafe!
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